Now You See Me, That Is All
by SevenRenny
Summary: She wasn't good at giving advice. However, he worried her. He was the type to dig people out of pitfalls but not notice the cracks beneath his own feet. In her mind, he was one person. Always. Deku was Izuku, and Izuku was Deku, and he was always him, in Hero costume and whatever else he wore. Aged-up characters, slight IzuOcha. Warnings: themes of depression/anxiety


_Warnings: themes of depression/anxiety,_ _ambiguity_

 _Notes: Aged-up characters_

 **Now You See Me, That Is All**

 **SevenRenny**

He was on the front of another magazine again. He went from showing up a few times on the news, to having his own merchandise in clothing stores, gyms and children's toys. He looked as happy as can be in those pictures and fake backgrounds. She saw him more on paper and television screen than in person. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, on the contrary. She just… didn't want to shove herself into his life after so long. Her life was flowing steadily, and there had been no sudden bumps or shifts in tidal directions for them to cross paths. She had her life, and he had his. It was as simple as that. She knew, in a way, she was only postponing a future encounter with him. He looked to be doing well, from what the photos told, at least. Ochaco couldn't tell why she feared seeing him in person.

There was nothing to get anxious about. She communicated with him fine over texts and calls over the phone, but it had been a few years since she'd actually seen him face to face. Also, their last text was about a month or so. He hadn't answered her. She didn't think much of it. He was always busy, and with how violent his fights tended to get, it was possible his phone got busted and he never received her message. He was still active, she knew that much. He was hopping from city to city, and people were vocal about it. She didn't know where he was at the moment, but figured he was busy, just like everyone else.

Finishing up her report of the day, she collected her papers and slipped them into the folder before leaving the now filled folder on her boss's desk, the magazine with Deku's well-known smile and fist of confidence still there. Slipping her ID over the tiny screen next to the exit and waiting to see her hero name on screen, Ochaco signed and walked away, not bothering to see the happy electronic face on screen that would congratulate her on her hard work. She headed for the changing rooms, peeling off her jacket before switching out of her hero costume. It was snowing outside, but the weather indoors was either too hot for her thicker winter costume, or too cold for her regular costume. A work partner bid her goodbye just as Ochaco got to wrap her scarf around her neck.

It had taken some hard work to earn her place. Yes, Hero Agencies saw her potential, but she wasn't the only one bruising herself to get noticed. It was a, painful field. From Sidekick to Hero, she had been put to filling paperwork before her transfer to another agency. It was mostly dealing with traffic accidents and fixing battle aftermaths, but she was out in the field, which was an upgrade to her previous position. During patrol hours or any villain confrontation, she was to still be under direct orders of the Agency and Hero she was assigned under. Sometimes, she wasn't too fond of those orders. A call for help would be just outside her assigned area and she would be given a warning for going out of boundaries. The Agency reminded her of the contract she'd signed, informing her they took property damage seriously and that she needed to stay where she was as their name was attached to her. She eventually gained mobility after obtaining the Hero title. A new Agency took her up and as long as she did her work, she could move around and deal with tasks like she'd wanted.

After a quick stop at a supermarket, she headed home in the cold with her brown paper bag. It was too cold to be out. She imagined couples snuggled up in nice blankets at home in front of the television, with warm socks on and holding cups of hot chocolate. Maybe even cooked each other warm meals for the winter. Her parents were probably doing just that while she was outside with snow. Part of her wanted to join them, but another part reminded her she had so much to do. It was selfish of her to want her mom and dad again. It was a thought she wanted to keep to herself, but she missed when things didn't matter – when mom and dad got to say 'I love you' and preparing food was family teamwork, when home felt like home and friends were plenty.

Just a thought. A simple, silly thought.

She got to warm up a little during the train ride, but had to brave the cold again at the stop of the train. Her walks back to her apartment were usually quiet. Peaceful? Sometimes. Lonely? Sometimes. The only choice? Most times. It was hard keeping in touch with friends and working a job that needed her almost all day. How was everyone doing? Were they alright? With everyone she knew scattered around Japan and with their own schedules, it was confirmation of how fragile connections were. She could have so many friends at some point, then have no one in a few years. Did they miss her just as she missed them? She would probably never know.

Street lamps lit the way. Blurry white specks fluttered like shredded paper. Short bushes and leafless trees glazed over the top.

She blew into her gloved fist to warm it up, breathing out cloudy winter fog. A person with a white umbrella did the same. It was too far to see him clearly, but she that he also had his hoodie on and had his jacket zipped all the way up to his chin. She felt a hint of familiarity… What was it?

Her brain stopped working the second he stopped staring at the ground and looked up at her. Both of them stopped walking. The world of snow and cold and purpose fell apart. Her mind pulled the breaks. Maybe a little too fast. She was slammed back into something she hadn't been expected to deal with and now the safety belt was suffocating her.

The lip of her grocery bag tilted and the taller packets spilled over.

"Ah – do you need help?"

"It's okay! I've got it!" She bent down and tried to laugh it off. Tried to, that is.

He was already on one knee, putting his umbrella on the ground and picking up the goods she'd dropped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." He handed her her things; however, she simply held the items and did not bring her hand back. She wasn't even looking at what she had grabbed.

"Deku?"

His gloved hand – the one still holding the item – flinched. "Yeah?" He sounded nervous. A line of mist escaped his lips.

"I missed you, silly."

…

"This is kind of unplanned. I'm not intruding, am I?"

"No, no, it's fine!"

"Are you sure? You don't have any plans with your parents or… friends, I mean?" I bent down to slip off his shoes while taking a look around the apartment.

"Nope! Just me." Ochaco went to place her food bag away. "And now, you!" She came back with her scarf in her hands as she tried to unbutton her jacket. "Here, let me hang your stuff."

"I… eh… thank you." He surrendered his umbrella and jacket, and she finally got to see more of him.

"Relax. You don't need to be so polite with me." She giggled, hoping to ease his nerves. "Loosen up a little."

"Sorry. I guess it's been a while," he admitted, sitting on the floor cushion in front of the short table.

" _I was that friend who kept getting nauseous in school,"_ she reminded him from across the room.

"I – I remember you! I do. It's just – I… How do I put it?" he tripped over his words. A blanket casually dropped over his head.

"There we go!It's a little chilly. I'll get you some hot coco." She left without seeing his hand raised in the air to stop her, leaving him hanging.

He was frozen in place for a moment, then gave up and lowered his hand to rub the back of his neck. Her new apartment still reminded him of her room at the dorms: simple, necessary, almost bare. It was an average priced area, and her Hero career would be more than enough to pay for better living conditions. Was she getting paid fairly? Or was she just used to bare necessities? He hoped it was the later.

" _Saw you featured in Champion,"_ she commented from the kitchen.

Izuku chuckled awkwardly. "You saw that?"

"Oh yeah." She came back with two mugs and handed him one. "Saw you on _Hero Of The Hour_ , too."

Izuku groaned and hid his face is shame.

Okay, maybe she shouldn't have mentioned that. "Hey, you did great!" Ochaco tried to fix it.

"I can't do interviews. I sounded so _bad_."

"You were just nervous. I'm sure I would be." She remembered cringing and literally trying to talk to him through the screen of her phone while watching the interview. Poor guy kept stuttering and wringing his fingers at the beginning. Even the host took notice and laughed a 'you nervous?' and took attention off Deku for a few minutes to joke with the Hero next to him. Izuku did eventually gain the courage to speak after the topic switched from 'talk about yourself' to 'talk about your job'.

"Still… I couldn't feel my legs after it was over. Couldn't get out of my chair."

Ochaco was glad she didn't take a sip at that exact second. A snort escaped her, and she was relieved there was no hot coco involved. "Poor Deku." She giggled.

He chuckled lightly. "It was so embarrassing. The host kept asking if show would be the end of me."

"You did great. Don't worry about it." She laughed. She could just imagine him collapsing back into his chair right after he finished going on air. He wasn't a social celebrity. He just wanted to do the job he'd always wanted to do. He was a savior, and while he did participate in charity stunts, he was not an entertainer. "People love you, Deku." Though she could understand that probably added an amount of pressure on him to not slip up.

"And I'm glad." He removed his gloved and stuffed them into his pocket so he could feel the warmth of the mug.

"But…?" she urged him. _Go on. I'm listening._

"They love Deku, not Izuku," he admitted reluctantly.

Deku… but not Izuku. In her mind, he was one person. Always. Deku was Izuku, and Izuku was Deku, and he was always him, in Hero costume and whatever else he wore. How could someone only like one part of him? She couldn't wrap her head around it. He was on playing cards and cereal boxes and shirts; but then… he was also walking out in the cold on his own earlier. She'd never seen him in her area before, and it didn't look like he was out on patrol duty. He was in casual attire and – from the curved lines beneath his eyes – it looked as though he had either been stressing, or not sleeping enough.

"I don't understand it," she said. "But, to me, Deku… isn't the one on TV or on paper. Deku is the one I knew from UA. You know – the one I teamed up with a few times?"

He tried to drink through his smile. "Yeah, I think I know him."

"He was nice. I wonder how he's doing nowadays," she asked, looking at her mug as to not make him feel uneasy. She didn't want to nose into his life after being cut off from him for so long. But at the same time, couldn't act like nothing had happened.

"I wonder about it, too, sometimes," he said with a sad smile. "I'm honestly surprised you're here. Didn't think I'd run into you."

"Yeah, I moved after my last Hero Agency transfer. Mom and Dad don't mind the distance. They could visit more often and go places 'cause they're all _rich_ now. They video-call, mostly."

"Oh, yeah! Your parents. You're helping them out now."

"Yup! They got to go on nice trips."

Izuku examined the basic apartment. "How… much are you splitting your pay?" he asked carefully, knowing he might step on the wrong line.

"Just enough. What about you? What are you doing here?"

It looked as though he wanted to know what she meant by _'enough'_ but considered her reasoning behind her vague response. "Actually, I… don't… _know…_ why I'm here."

She blinked at him blankly.

"I mean, I forgot _why_ I'm here," he explained. "I know I'm taking a break. Well, my _mom_ called and told me I needed a break. Then I messed up sending my last Villain report. Twice. Agency said it was just word salad and they couldn't use that for police records. I panicked and emailed them the same document again."

Ochaco stared at him silently, taking in his words. "Yeah. You need a break."

Izuku sighed. "That's what the last officer told me."

"When have you last slept?"

"Do I look bad?"

"No. Well, not _you_. I mean – your eyes remind me of Aizawa." She drew a U line under her eye with her finger.

"I sleep. A little. I want to sleep but my eyes won't stay closed." He rubbed his face tiredly. "I feel like I need to be on the lookout whenever I'm trying to sleep. It's like my brain is telling me sleep will waste my time and it just won't listen to me and– _ugh…_ " He groaned in frustration. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm on break now but… I keep forgetting I should be resting. Went on a walk and… I kept thinking. Spaced out."

"Is it one thing you're focused on? Maybe someone can help you with that… It sounds like you're really stressed out." She wasn't good at giving advice. However, he worried her. He was the type to dig people out of pitfalls but not notice the cracks beneath his own feet.

His thumb slid down the smooth mug handle. "I don't know. I know I'm probably just overthinking things. I think of the details then it all gets cloudy and I forget the main picture. Feels like an exam when there's no exam." He gave a gentle, reassuring smile. "I'm sorry. I don't know where this is coming from. It'll be fine. I'm on break now. Feels like forever since I last talk to you, or Iida. Haven't heard from the others, either. I'm sorry I couldn't keep track of anyone."

She wasn't the only one guilty of neglecting social connections. "I couldn't keep up either. Feels kinda lonely without everyone."

"Yeah... Hey, are you cold?" He took note of how she wrung her hands.

While she scrambled to reassure him, he simply went to her side, plopped down next to her and extended one end of the blanket on him to cover her shoulder. That instantly quieted her. It was warm from draped over him for some time.

"Thanks…" She held the end of the blanket close to her chest and pretended his close proximity wasn't distracting.

He hummed and looked away. Neither of them talked for a few minutes. Instead, they sat in silence, sharing a blanket on the floor while snow coated the streets outside.

Nothing was perfect. Cracks over ice happened, and, for some, the beauty of not knowing of cracks was reassurance. Better to not know the floor would sink than know, worry, then fall anyway.

Ochaco was more than proud he trusted her with his insecurities. People loved Deku. They loved Deku posters and dolls and school notebooks.

She loved Izuku.

Cracks, frost and all.

* * *

 _Note:_

 _-I would like to apologize for not being as active. I hope to have all chapters for the multi-chapter stories ready so I can start posting on a regular manner._


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